Still at my side
by Muckel
Summary: Loving the same woman ended in a fight between the two friends. Both are hurt and too proud to make the first step. Is this the end of their friendship? Will they ever trust each other?


_This is another story I wrote some time ago. I never liked the end of Starsky vs. Hutch, so here is my version and I hope you like it! Thanks a lot to a good friend who helped me making this story readable! All other mistakes are mine!_

**Still by my side**

Now I'm sitting here in my living room, drinking one beer after the other one.

Thinking.

Drinking.

Thinking about what had happened the last four hours.

Drinking to forget the last four hours.

And it happened a lot.

Why did I do it?

I don't know.

I was mad, **_really_** mad okay. No, correction I wasn't only **_mad_**. I was...was jealous...angry...disappointed. And then everything happened so fast and before I even knew it I hit him.

Dear God...what did I do?

I hit him, _**him**,_ my partner, my friend, my _best_ friend and for what? For being jealous? Angry? Disappointed? Yes, I was disappointed, I AM still DISAPPOINTED!

But why?

Because...because we not only shared the same clothes once in a while we, we even shared the same woman this time! And what did I do?

I hit him! I fought with him like we were schoolboys! As if she was a trophy in a game I wanted to be the winner in the first place.

I'm such a fool...

I need another beer; maybe it will clear my head. No, it'll only numb the pain and it hurts, it really hurts. Like a knife in my back, like ripping my heart out of my chest, like...like...losing my best friend.

She had played with us...said she loves us both...how could it be... loving two men at the same time who are so totally different like we are. Sorry, I need the perfect lover...so I took both put them in a mixer and alcasam...I get him!

How crazy is she...playing with us as we were toys...?

We were her toys...yes we behaved like little boys, we didn't think straight, we were out of our minds...loved the same woman and had forgotten our friendship. A friendship, thicker than blood...and we kicked it with our feet, as if it was an old carpet!

What's that?

The telephone is ringing...

Might be...no, can't be...

I've beaten him, he wouldn't ring me now...or would he?

Might be...could be her…

No, I won't pick up the phone…not now. I'm drunk...too drunk to talk to anyone.

Oh wait, maybe the idea isn't so bad...she shall know what she did to me...to us. But will it be worth it? She might laugh at me...

'_You're acting like a kid...it was just a game...'_

Yeah...one game and two losers and a destroyed friendship...two broken hearts...

Really two broken hearts? Maybe he's with her now, laughing about me and how we both react...

She was horrified, she yelled at us, threw us out of the house...

Why didn't we talk after this damn fight? We always talked when we had different opinions.

But this was different; loving the same woman was not the same as having different opinions, right?

The phone...it's ringing again...stop ringing...my head hurts...just wanna get drunk until I can forget everything and sleep the rest of the day.

But I'll never forget I know it. Because forgetting means as if ripping away a part of me.

How crazy is this? It doesn't work with him and it doesn't work without him...Think I need something stronger...it still hurts so much, maybe another beer...or something stronger...never was so drunken in my life. Even when**_ she_ **died...

Damn...it's over, it's finished...don't think about her...she's dead...but she was the love of my life...

He was there for me when she was dead, stayed with me, cried with me, comforted me...pulled me together, as he always did and what did I do to him?

Oh stop that now...wasn't your fault...or was hers...but we had to talk to each other...Wait, we did...but we didn't listen to each other...

What shall I do now?

Get drunk until I can't think anymore?

No...Have to get out...need some fresh air...

Maybe then I'll talk to him and maybe then he'll listen to me...

* * *

"Huggy, for crying out loud, open that door or I have to smash it..."

He heard footsteps shuffling over the floor, a key rattling and finally the door opened a crack wide. A definitive overslept and cranky Huggy Bear stood in the doorframe, starring at him as if he was an extraterrestrial.

"Man...You're crazy or what? Hammering at my door at two o'clock in the morning...I slept for only one hour..."

"Okay Hug...I know that you need your beauty sleep, but it's important...is he here?"

"What?"

"I want to know if my frie...ah...if...he's here..."

"Ah...you still remember he's your **_friend_**...interesting..."

"Huggy, would you...wait...how do you know it?"

The lanky bartender folded his arms across his chest and leaned against the doorframe.

"The street has ears man, best information centre on earth."

"So you know everything?"

"Enough to know that you both are totally out of your minds..."

"So he was here?"

"Nope."

"You know where he is?"

"Nope."

"Can you find it out for me? I looked everywhere, drove to the beach, stopped by his place but it was empty."

"Nope."

"Huggy?"

"I said NO!"

"You want to punish me or what?"

"I don't want to punish you...Shall I tell you what I really want to do?"

"Can we talk inside? I'm freezing..."

"No...But I'm afraid I have to because I don't need any audience for this kind of lecture." Huggy grumbled but opened the padlock and stepped aside to let his friend into the hall.

"Don't expect me to tell you that you shall make yourself comfortable...you better stay."

The man looked curious but did as he was ordered and remained standing.

"So what do you want to tell me?"

Huggy fixed the man in front of him with his deep brown eyes. He was ready to burst out.

"I'll tell you...I never...**_never_ **saw such a stupidity in my life before. Two best friends fighting because of a woman and what's even worse, they hurt each other **_because_** of a woman! I really want to hit you **_both_** so that you **_both_** can think clear again. I don't know if **_you_** know what you two did. You have destroyed your friendship ...and even worse you betrayed it and now you're wailing around like a beaten dog and feeling sorry about everything. You both are guilty and now you come to good old Huggy and want some comfort..."

"So he was here?" The scolded man interrupted, his blue eyes full of hope.

"I told you before...NO! And don't interrupt me once more; I'm not ready with you..." Now Huggy was really angry and the man winced involuntarily when Huggy raised his voice again.

"You're so damn stupid; I hope some day you'll remember what you did this day. You've killed the best thing ever happened in your life and don't expect me to come to the funeral." Huggy looked angry; his features hard as he starred at the man in front of him.

The man avoided eye contact and glared at his shoes.

"I understand…so you don't wanna help me…" He whispered in a small voice.

"NO…for Gods sake…even if its ripping my heart apart…You two blow it and so don't use me as the one who has to put the pieces together. You have to do it yourself!"

The man sighted heavily; his look full of despair and pain. His shoulders slumped down and without saying a word he heated to the door and opened it. But before he vanished he turned around and let out a deep breath.

"I know that I made a mistake, I just wanted to make sure that he's alright and didn't do something stupid. I'm really scared about him Hug…never saw him so angry before...And I was the reason and that hurts most. To know that you've hurt and disappointed your best friend... I've betrayed his trust, have cheated him … Probably I earn nothing better than this. But I think you're right, maybe it's time to make the first step…Thanks for clearing up my brain Hug. Hope it's not too late."

Huggy felt his hairs on the back of his neck rising, he could feel the pain in his friend's soul and for a moment he felt sorry for what he had said a few minutes ago.

"Word on the streets says he's heavily drunken…pretty hurt and confused and totally out of his mind. Better you find him in time before something terrible will happen." He said in a whispering voice. "Find him before he does something stupid...sort your things out they're more important than this fucking lady...Don't know where he is...street says someone saw him somewhere downtown."

His friend looked up, a little relief in his eyes. "Thanks Hug...that means a lot to me…I'll find him and then we'll talk. Keep your eyes and ears open and let me know if you hear something else, will you?"

"Yeah man...be careful, downtown is an ugly place even for a cop"

The man smiled weakly and went out. Huggy closed the door behind him with a silent moan.

* * *

He didn't know what time it was and he definitely didn't know where he was actually. He couldn't remember the streets he walked up and down, but he remembered some familiar faces that looked at him as if he was an alien from mars. Some called after him, shouted out his name, but he didn't answer them, he just ran away.

Actually he wasn't running; he was too drunk to run, he only stumbled and staggered and was not aware of if he bumped in one of the pedestrians or not. He only wanted to be alone, didn't want to see anyone and especially didn't want to talk to anyone.

He was on the run; run away from his thoughts, his feelings, his friends and his bad conscience.

He didn't know why he ran into the city, first he wanted to run to the beach but then decided different. But the narrowness and the full streets frightened him and his foggy brain told him to run into a dark narrow alley. He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice a couple of men following him.

The alley was only illuminated by one small street-lamp; it was a dead end, a lot of garbage lay around, half open garbage cans stood in one corner, a wracked car with an open hood and doors in the other. It smelled of brackish water, urine and decay. But the drunken man didn't become aware of all that. He staggered into the alley and was happy that he was able to escape from the people and the noise of the street.  
Breathing heavily he leaned against the street lamp; his vision veiled with alcohol he tried to focus to one point. He noticed the wracked car on the right next to a wall and because he became tired he stumbled to the car.

He collapsed into the passenger seat; exhausted he closed his eyes and rested his hurting head against the seat.

He didn't know what to do now. He was running through half of the city, on the run…because of…because of what?

After thinking for a long time he found the reason for his escape.

The truth.

And the truth hurt.

He lost the most important thing in his whole life, the friendship of a man.

He owed him a lot, more than he could tell, but most of all he owed him his life.

And he destroyed everything, within a few hours he destroyed a miracle, kicked it with his feet. And now he didn't have the courage to go to his friend and to look him in the eyes.  
And to say an excuse.

'_Hey you're sure you still have a friend? You've beaten him…you said some really ugly words to him, you don't think you still have a friend?'_

'Yeah…I said some terrible things, and I'm sorry about it…I know him for over ten years now, we had our Ups and Downs but we always…yeah, we always talked about it…'

'_Right, but this time you didn't talk, you forget to talk, you just run away and now you think your friend would listen to you and your excuses. Tell that to the horse-marines! You finished with him, believe it or not, you lost your friend!'_

He sighted deeply.

'_Oh great… you're melting in self-pity. Perhaps you better rise up your sorry butt and...'  
_  
'I can't look into his eyes. I can't endure to see the pain there…'

'_So you better close your eyes and sleep off your drunkenness and tomorrow…'_

'And tomorrow? What's tomorrow? A tomorrow without…'

_'Oh don't think about it…just sleep…'_

Something wet leaked his left hand and something heavy and warm touched his thigh.

Paralyzed with fear he winced, but relaxed when he looked into two big brown eyes.

"Holly heaven…what…"

In a reflex he wanted to pull away his hand, but then he realized who looked at him and he touched a shaggy dog-head.

"Hey buddy…you frightened me to death...w-what are you doing here, huh?"

It was a mix between German Sheppard and something he didn't know; a very old black and brown dog because he saw the grey hair around his snout.

"You're as alone as I am? You don't look like you've got a lot of company in the last few days, uh? Well, t-hen be my guest...Don't expect a lot from me, I'm a lousy entertainer, b-but at least you're not alone any more. Deal?"

The big dog moved his head to one side and turned the ears in his direction. Once more he put the head on his thigh and howled quietly.

"Could have been worse uh? Well I get that as a yes. If you don't mind I'll catch some sleep and then..."

The dog started to growl and gritted his teeth.

"Hey, what's going on? If you don't like my aftershave you could have told me that before..."

"Before what?"

His head flung around and he looked directly into the beaming light of a flashlight. He raised a hand to protect his eyes and blinked.

He saw three men standing around the car and they didn't look friendly.

"Hey, look at that couple...what a nice picture! A run down cop and his buddy...like some tramps! You've ever seen something like that, Bo?" One of the men asked.

"No, never...you're sure it's the same guy who put you behind bars four months ago Josh?" A second man stepped forward and pointed with the flashlight directly into the detective's face so that he had to close his eyes

"Oh yes...you're right! I remember this face! So what do you want to do now? Have some fun with him?"

"Yeah...Good idea! Maybe the same fun I had when I was in jail! You see that, cop?" The man who was called Josh raised his shirt and everyone could see a couple of ugly scars on his bare chest.

The man in the car looked puzzled.

"I-I don't know w-who you are...Just leave me alone okay? You'll be in big trouble if you mess up with a police officer."

Josh let out a dirty laughter.

"Depends on **_who_ **is in trouble now, right?" He grabbed the man at his collar and brutally raised him to his feet. "You saw that scars? You know what can happen to a guy in jail? Perhaps not, so I'll show you what can happen to _you_, cop!"

The dog in the car started to bark out loud as if he had noticed that his new friend was in danger. He jumped onto the seat and gritted his teeth once more and put on the ears.

"Squash this damned cur before he barks half a town together! I need no spectators here!"

Josh and Bo pulled the man away from the car during the other man kept the furious dog with a wooden slat in check and with exact kicks slammed both car doors shut finally. When the dog noticed that he was locked up it made him furious. With his paws he wildly started to scratch at the window pane and barked furiously. Satisfied with his job the man returned and joined Bo and Josh who threatened the detective further.

"So cop, your new doggy friend is locked in! Now you're all ours! Curt, Bo, hold him tight...now he has to pay for what he did to me!"

The detective used everything he had to defend himself and tried to escape. But the two men pushed his arms behind his back; he was in a trap.

He braced himself with all his strength against Bo, amazed Curt solved his clutch and the man pushed both feet in his abdomen. Curt flung backwards and coiled up on the ground, groaning and pressing both arms against his belly.

But before the man could defend himself even more Josh hit him with two hard blows in the face and sent him to the ground. Again Bo tore him on his feet and Josh rammed both fists several times into his body. The man squealed in pain, snapped for air and broke down. Other blows hit him; he tried to coil up to protect his unprotected body, but he was torn upwards over and over again and other blows hit his head and face. His gaze blurred and slowly everything went black. He heard the dog's subdued barking and growling, but the desperate yelps were harder to endure than the crude blows which hit him further. He felt blood running down his face; he didn't have the power to cry. Slowly he raised his head and saw something flashing. With the last strength he had he threw himself aside and this movement saved his life. The knife which Josh wanted to ram into his chest missed its aim only scarcely and penetrated his victim's side.

The injured man let out a scream of pain when a stabbing pain flashed through his left side. He fell to the ground and bent over gasping for air. And this time Bo didn't raise him up again.

"Think he has enough, Josh." Bo said and bent over the barely conscious man. "You really did a number on him!"

"And he deserves much more." Interrupted Josh panting heavily and kneaded his now bleeding knuckles.

"Maybe...but he's more dead than alive and I don't want to deal with killing a cop. If he recognizes us..."

"They won't find us. We'll be out of town tomorrow morning. But you're right, he's pretty beaten up. He's lucky if he'll survive this night unless nobody will find him in time. Let's move before some drunken fool tumbles into this alley."

Curt looked to the car with the dog inside, still growling and barking angrily. "What about him? What if someone will hear his barking?"

"Well...let him out when we're out of sight if you like." Josh shrugged his shoulder in disinterest.

The two men vanished into the dark; Curt went over to the car and left the driver's door ajar and then ran after his friends.

The angry dog immediately noticed the now open door as his only escape and opened it with his paws. He trotted over to the motionless body lying on the ground and whimpered quietly. He nudged the man with his nose, when he didn't respond; the dog yelped again and lay down beside him on the ground.

* * *

'Dear God, where shall I find him? Now I drive more than two hours straight through the town and no track of him. It's like looking for a needle in a haystack... I have never seen the town so crowded... But, maybe its better I leave the car somewhere and continue to search on foot. Maybe someone saw him, maybe he's sitting somewhere in a bar, maybe he's not here in downtown, but in his apartment and me the idiot is driving the streets up and down all the time! But maybe...maybe...oh shut up! He never would do a stupidity...he would always...Would he still call up after all what happened this day? Huggy said he was totally drunk...

_'He's hurting bad...'  
_  
Oh no...Previously he would have called me; he would never have got dead drunk. Stop, he has got drunk already once. When_ she_ died... But he called me and I drove to him in the middle of the night. Stayed the whole night with him, emptied several bottles of beer with him, cried with him and yelled with him. But he didn't call me this time...

I have to find him and really fast...I've got a very bad feeling, something's wrong, I can feel it...something happened...

Dear God, where are you?'

* * *

'God it hurts...

My head hurts...and I can't breathe... hurts so much...

He stabbed me. I can feel the blood running down my hip...what if the wound doesn't stop bleeding, what if the knife damaged more than only the flesh? I'll be dead in a couple of minutes...I...I need help...I don't wanna die here in this dark alley, not after this day, not after what happened today...Maybe it's a punishment because I've hurt my best friend too...

Oh pal...I need you here...no...forget it...he won't come; this time you'll be on your own and you deserve it. So don't whine, it's your own fault, you didn't have to do this, you got what you deserve.

Oh...don't get enough air...have to sit up...urgh...can't...think some ribs are broken...hurts really bad. Where's the dog...heard him growling...hope these creeps didn't hurt him or worse...No... He's there...he's lying beside me, can feel his head on my shoulder. He's a good boy, but he can't help me now. I have to stand up, I have to move if I don't wanna die.

So first on your knees...shit everything's spinning around me, I'm getting sick...no, no, no...breathe boy, breathe, it will go away...My head's going to explode and my side hurts as if there's still a knife there. Okay... just take your time...take your time...now on your feet and then one step after the other. See the little street across the alley? There must be a phone booth. You can call an ambulance...oh no...no ambulance. They'll take you to a hospital...a drunken cop, beaten up like a bum...bad idea...Think of something better, but make it quick...

Huggy...yes, he'll help me...he'll understand...

Damn...I can't walk more than a few steps, my head's killing me and I'm still bleeding...have to sit down for a while...

Hey, what's that...I can see a car driving down the alley...who's this...friend or enemy? Better I hide myself and watch what's coming up...

Uh...thank God, the car is driving away...

Now get up boy...maybe next time you're not so lucky...Bite down the pain, you won't feel better as long as you're lying around here so keep moving and find Huggy. Just hope he's at his place and not at The Pits...will never make it to The Pits...

The dog...what about the dog...he follows me...still by my side...like...no, don't think about him, he won't come, he's too mad at you...

So keep moving...keep moving...

* * *

Huggy Bear startled from his sleep; he heard something. A scratching... a quiet beating... he wasn't sure. Maybe he only dreamed.

He looked at his alarm clock beside the bed; it was some minutes after 4 o'clock in the morning.

_'You will only find it out if you get up and look, man. So get up even if it hurts.'_

Somnolent Huggy tripped through the bedroom, switched on the light in the hall and looked through the door viewer.

He saw nothing.

_'Huggy, you become slowly whimsically in your dotage. Maybe you dreamed and it was... Wait... there it was again. A quiet vague beating against the door.'  
_  
Again Huggy looked through the door viewer and when he again saw nobody he opened the door only so far the padlock admitted it.

"_Oh my God."_

In a hurry Huggy fiddled around the padlock_._

A blood-flooded body fell into his arms and Huggy fought with his balance to be able to catch the heavy body.

"God...what happened to you...can you hear me?" Carefully he turned the man's face. "Hey man...look at me...open your eyes."

The man's eyes fluttered open. "I...I can hear you H-Hug...h-help me...hurts..." The man stammered and bent over in pain. "Urgh...Hug..." He grabbed Huggy by his T-shirt. "Y-You help me?"

"Yeah...yeah...sure man, just...just can you stand up, huh? Can't carry you...just around the corner into the living room...You think you can manage that?"

"Have to..." Came back the groaning replay and the man tried to sit up.

With Huggy's help he managed to get on his feet. That was when he saw the big dog.

"What's that?"

"F-Friend...l-let him...in..."

"I hope he's housebroken." Huggy murmured in bewilderment.

The both swayed to the living room, the dog always behind them. With a groan of relieve the injured man collapsed on the couch. Sweat streamed down his pale face, he closed his eyes in pain and wrapped both arms around his chest. Huggy knelt beside him, pushed away the man's arms and lifted the T-shirt. He gasped when he saw the bleeding wound and the badly bruised ribs. Franticly he searched for a blanked and pressed it against the wound.

"Oh boy...you need a doctor, now! And I'll call..."

"No!" It was only a hoarse cry and the man grabbed again at Huggy's shirt. "D-Don't call...don't call him...Don't wanna see...him. Don't need...a doctor."

"Hey pal, you're crazy? You're bleeding all over my carpet and your belly looks like it was hit by a truck!"

"Hug...please." Pleaded his friend and raised his legs to his chest. "No doc...Has to report..."

"I don't care what _you_ want...I've got a friend, he's a doctor, and he'll come without asking questions."

His friend sighed deeply, too tired to argue. "'kay...but don't call him..." He slurred. "Don't w-wanna see...him."

Soothingly Huggy tapped his shoulder. "First the doctor and then we talk about the rest, understand?"

"Uh-huh..."

* * *

The doctor worked over the injured man for nearly an hour. He cleared the stabbing wound, found out that although it was deep not life threatening and patched it up. He was concerned about the bruised ribs; he was sure that some were broken and could cause internal damage, but the only one he could do was to bandage up the chest and lay down his patient as comfortable as possible. After he had taken care of the other bruises and bumps and the deep gash above the man's left eye he tried to convince his patient to drive him to the nearest hospital. But the man only shook his head.

"It's okay...doc...I'm better now...just want some water..."

"You're a very insane young man...Here...I'll leave this pain pills just in case you'll need them later. See your regular doctor as soon as possible and let your ribs x-rayed. Don't move around too much and get as much rest as possible. I'll call in the morning to hear how you feel."

The injured man weakly nodded his head and tiredly closed his eyes.

The doctor rose to his feet and walked over to Huggy.

"Check him out regularly." He said in a low but very concerned tone. "If he gets too sleepy or heavily sick call me at once. He might have a concussion...Same if he gets in trouble with his breathing...I can't get him to a hospital without his permission so I hope he made the right decision."

"I'll keep an eye on my white brother, doc. He had a bad time with his partner yesterday, but I'll sort things out with both and then I'll take him to the hospital if he's not getting better, deal?"

The doctor shrugged his shoulder; after he had gathered all his equipment Huggy let him to the door and the doctor went out.

When Huggy had closed the door he saw the big dog still lying in the hall, watching every move he made.

"So...now that you're still here...maybe you can help me to talk some sense into our friend. But no jumping on the armchair or lying on the bed, understand?"

The dog jumped to his feet and trotted into the living room, Huggy on his heels.

"Okay man...time to talk...what happened?" Huggy sat down on the couch beside his injured friend, holding a glass of water in his hand. The dog settled down on the ground. With Huggy's help the man took a few sips, and then fell back on the couch.

"A guy we busted...sometime ago...something like unfinished business..."The man whispered.

"And he let you pay a double, huh?"

"Sorta..."

"You know that it was more than a dump idea to run away and to run to downtown in your condition. Why are you running away and didn't call in before you did that stunt?"

"Was my fault..."

"What?"

"I hit him..."

"Oh you mean this little disagreement..."

The man gave out a hoarse laugh. "Should've known that you already knew it...he was here?"

Huggy remained silence but he couldn't hide his feelings.

"What did he want?"

"Oh man...your head must have been bobbed up very hard...He wanted to talk to _you_! He's really worried about you!"

The man looked at him in disbelieve. "Worried? After all I-I've done to him?"

"But **_what_** did you do to him?"

"You're kidding? I...I **_hit_** him!"

It was like an outburst, the man sat up with a start, starring at him like he was mad. "I _hit _my _best friend_!" He cried out and then fell back with a deep groan, holding his chest with his arms. "Oh _God_...Hug...it hurts..."

"Its okay boy...easy, easy...doc said you shall not move around..."

"Tell me something new Hug..." The man whispered drowsily. "You get what you deserve, huh?"

"Nobody deserves what you got..."

"Wrong...I've beaten him up too."

"You only bruised him...and his proud...You know he's still out on the streets looking for you…"

"He's what?"

"He's worrying about you...He knows he did something stupid too. Hell…never saw him so broken-hearted as today. You two really did a number on both of you. You always talked to each other, no matter how bad it was...but this...this is ridicules!"

Huggy felt silence for a while and when he looked up and met his friends' eyes he was shocked to see tears running down his cheeks.

"What's going on pal?" He asked in a worried voice.

"Hug...don't know what to do...I wanna talk to him...don't want to make the same mistake twice in a day!" He gasped out, his voice shaking with pain and desperation. "But I don't think he'll come...I hurt him to much...not physically...but I hurt his feelings, his soul..."

"You both are hurt...Why do you think he won't come? Who of you two is the stubborn one, huh? Can't watch you two eating up yourselves. I'll call him..." Huggy stud up.

"No...don't...don't do this to me...please Hug..."

"I'll do much more if I have to...he's your friend, and he's still your _best friend,_ and he's ready to climb up the walls and forget that he isn't Spiderman. He has lost his net...he's tumbling down..."  
"I'm not able to catch him...he won't let me..."

"Fool!"

"Was a bad idea to come to you..."The man mumbled angrily and turned his head aside.

"No, best idea you had in weeks. Call me what you want, but I don't want to lose _my_ best friends because of a stupidity! I'll call him. End of discussion."

* * *

I never expected the call and so I was more than upset when I heard what happened. Without thinking straight I made a ninety degree turn and drove back to Huggy's place breaking all speed limits.

I jumped out of the car, stormed up the stairs taking three by one and slammed my fists against the entrance door. I heard a dog barking and when I saw Huggy's worried face my heart stopped for a minute.

"Is it that bad?"

Huggy opened the door and let me in. "The outer wounds are not as bad as they look...Do the first step...terrible things happened today, but he's still the same man you love like a brother. Do it for your own and his good." He said quietly, his dark brown eyes full of sorrow.

I swallowed down a big lump and without saying a word I walked into the living room and stopped for a moment when I saw a dog lying in front of the couch where my friend was lying on.

The dog raised his head, looked at me and without making a sound he only blinked and his head fell back on his paws.

But he was still watching me.

I heard a quite moan and looked over to my friend.

His face was one big mess, black and blue, more bruises and cuts than I could count. His eyes were closed, one arm protectively wrapped around his chest, both legs bent at the knees. I heard his painful breathing and moaning, saw his bloody shirt.

'_You made him run...you did all this...'_

It was too much and I was at his side in a split second. I crouched beside him, not sure if I had the courage to touch him. He must have noticed my presence, because he flinched and turned his head away.

'_Make the first step...he's still the same man you love more than a brother...'_ I heard Huggy saying and I made the first step. I took his left hand in mine.

He winced at my touch, pulled his hand away and rolled on his side, didn't even look at me.

'_He winced at my touch...he never did it...He's afraid...he's afraid of _me?_ Well, he's got all the right to be angry with me...but why is he afraid of me? Because...because he thinks I'm mad at him...Dear God...'_

I exhaled deeply, my hand still beside his.

'_I'll have to wait, even if it takes the whole night.'_

So I sat beside him.

Watching and waiting.

I didn't know how long I knelt there on the ground beside him, but I must have fallen asleep because I woke up with a start when I suddenly felt that my hand was squeezed weakly.

I looked up and looked into these familiar eyes. Two eyes full of pain desperation and sadness. And what hurts me more full of guilt.

I managed a small smile.

"Hi..."

"You're still there...?" Came the quite reply.

"Where else should I be?"  
I wanted to say so much, wanted to make excuses, tell him how sorry I felt, but couldn't spell out a word, I just looked into these eyes.

'_Oh please say something. Yell at me, hit me, fight with me, do something, but don't do this. Don't be so quite...'_

But he did something worse...he started to cry.

He cried like a small, frightened boy who had lost something he loved so much. His body was shaken by sobbing fits and tears streamed down his face.

And I?

I did the only thing I could do; I bent over him and gathered the shaking body in my arms and whispered words of comfort and consolation into his ears not sure if he could hear or even understand anything of it. I stroke over his head, rubbing his back and rocking him back and forth; trying to soothe him and this time he allowed my touch.

But what scared me most was when I heard him whispering four words over and over again.

"It's my fault...it's my fault...I'm so sorry...I'm so sorry..."  
That was too much for me; I took his wet face in both of my hands and forced him to look at me.

"Stop that, will you? Look at me and _listen_ to me..._She's_ the only one to be blamed for..._She_ made us fight and we both were too blind to see what was happening. You hear me? She pushed us and we both forgot how we usually sort out those things...we forgot to _talk_ and didn't_ listen_ to each other!"

The sobbing became weaker until it faded out completely.

"But...but I hit you..."

"And what did I?"

He opened his mouth, then closed it again and glanced at me, dumfounded in disbelieve.

"You just defended yourself..."

"Wrong...I joint in the game and hit you too...I should have listened to you first, but I was so..."

"Angry...?"

"No...not only angry...disappointed, jealous, mad...you need more explanations for describing my outburst?"

"No...your punch was hard enough." He chuckled feebly. "I could feel it all by myself."

"Ah...yes."

We both felt silence for a while; just watching each other with respect and understanding.

"Would it help if I tell you that I'm a fool?"

Surprised I glanced at him, met his eyes and he, what did he do?

He smiled.

Now it was me who had to fight the raising tears.

"You don't have to tell me that...you're my partner, I know that for years now!"

"What about..."

"Why you're searching for excuses? Since when do friends need excuses? You know what we forgot? Real friends don't need to forgive each other as long as they've got the two most important things ...trust and love...I still trust you with my life and you're the other part of my soul...I love you like a brother and brothers share more than the same blood. We are me and thee...We don't need to apologize, we only have to accept that we're still humans who make mistakes sometimes."

Again I glanced at my friend and saw him still smiling.

"So what about we both are fools? Can you still live with a fool by your side, _partner_?"

"I'm always by your side, partner, no matter what happens! Always me and thee. But never do this again...never run away...never okay?"

My friend sighed heavily.

"How can I run away from you...you would always find me...no matter what I try..."

"Right...you two stick together."

We both turned our heads and saw Huggy standing in the door watching us.

"You're like salt and pepper, sweet and sour. Nobody can be without the other. Starsky and Hutch are back?"

I looked at my friend.

"Were we ever gone?"

He smiled, his eyes broadened with every second.

"Thanks to Huggy we will never be."

End


End file.
